Modern Dating Woes: Are Jerks on Dating Sites Ruining it for the Rest of Us?
Before you swear off men forever, read this
Online dating is one of the best ways to meet good men, but differentiating between the catches and the jerks can be tricky.
There’s no question that there are many different types of personalities online, but when so many women feel slighted, we have to ask; Are all men jerks? Or is online dating in general the problem?
It might be a little bit of both. The swipe heavy nature of online dating encourages superficiality, and feed into men’s worst instincts. But there are definitely ways to have a more honest experience on dating sites.
Here are some of your biggest gripes - and some tips on how to combat them.
1. Why would they commit when they have a literal candy store full of women?
Men on dating sites are accused of constantly looking for the next best thing. With so many options, it becomes very easy to write people off.
There’s a valid argument that men make; Why invest a lot of time chatting online, building up a heightened image of the woman on the other end of the screen, only to meet and possibly feel zero chemistry?
Why? Because it’s important to establish a connection before agreeing to meet up, otherwise the date just becomes a means to fill a Tuesday night instead of an evening both parties are looking forward to.
You can find this kind of spark on a dating site which tailors the experience to emphasize personality and quality matches over photos and endless swiping.
Zoosk’s Behavioral Matchmaking gets to know your habits - likes and dislikes - and offers matches accordingly. It’s designed to gauge your own personality, and what you’re looking for, and then match you with someone you’d mesh well with, making the whole experience a lot more thoughtful.
2. We met up - he's 20 years older, 20 pounds heavier, with 20% less hair
While lying on your dating profile is a huge no (eventually the goal is to meet in person, where that little white lie will blow up in your face), it’s something that a lot of men still do.
Before online dating, a man just needed to be the most enticing guy around to get a date. Now, he’s competing with hundreds of other men on a screen. This is the double edged sword of online dating - more access to singles, but also more competition. So men stretch the truth a bit.
Better dating sites eliminate this need to lie by matching singles based on personality, outlook on life and shared goals.
On Elite Singles for instance, singles take a compatibility test and are then matched up with the applicants that closely match their answers.
This eliminates the need to post dated photos, and streamlines your list of matches by how much you have in common, not by how much hair a guy has.
Zoosk also has a Photo Verification tool, which verifies that your profile photos look like you, and users receive a badge that lets other members know their pictures are an accurate representation - so no inaccurate photos here.
3. They either want sex, or will seem interested and suddenly disappear
Online dating should be used as a supplement to your “off-screen” dating life. Otherwise, pitting all of your hopes on one dating site will make the jerks you do encounter stand out even more, and you’ll quickly tire of the scene.
Avoiding dating sites makes as much sense as swearing off bars after coming home without any numbers.
It’s easy to feel disappointed when things don’t turn out your way, but for many people who have found success on dating sites, it’s all about patience and a positive attitude.
Unfortunately, you do have to wade through some unwanted sexual initiations, unsolicited photos and some men who are on there for all the wrong reasons.
But while your dodging the jerks, the good ones will find you - it’s just a matter of time.
One last piece of advice when seeking out a more meaningful connections: Head to a site like Zoosk, whose smart matching and ease of use just might be the key to making online dating work for you.